Feel lost: My Fork in the Road
I have always considered myself living in Paris, enjoy cheese and wine, sit in smoke-filled cafes and cobbled streets with pretty French girl strolling at night. But I think the life I imagine in Paris, is the one I've seen in movies too romanticized. The Paris of the screen is different from the Paris of everyday life.
As I have come to this realization, the other city that I like most, in Europe is Stockholm. Paris attracts me with its magic, but really, Stockholm is a realistic option. I have many friends there, the city is one of my favorite in the world, and I love and want to learn the language. (Plus, Swedish girls are not too bad on the eyes either!) The thought life to there, over the spring and summer really excites me. Sweden in the summer is full of life and energy. Because they do not have much of good weather up there, so that when they do, take advantage of all the Swedes thereof.
But the fork in my road is not between Paris and Stockholm. It is between Stockholm and New York City. Or as my friend Jason told me it's a choice between a veiled attempt to extend my trip and confronting finally settled.
And in a way he's right.
My soul burns for the Big Apple. There is not a day that goes by where I do not think about. When people ask me where I call home, breaking in New York from his mouth without thinking. There is nothing I do not like about New York City. Status See updates from my friends and events that I am not able to see me for her even more homesick. As I write now, I can not help but sad not think it to be the feeling. I belong there, and if all my trips do end, it is there I will dwell.
But you do not get do-overs in life. Opportunity knocks once. doors opening and closing all the time, but when one door closes, it locks itself. As Robert Frost once in "The Road Not Taken", wrote "And know how way leads on the way, I doubted if I should ever come back." If you go one way down, there is no turning back.
When I move skip to New York and Stockholm, I'll get another chance ever in Europe as (semi-) young to live carefree guy? Will I settle down at the end to find a friend and take root and then miss my chance for a bit, be wild and carefree only in Europe? Will I regret the missed opportunity?
Or I'll move to Stockholm and hate it? Am I going to New York while I am there? Will I oppose from some roots, because I know Stockholm would not be forever? And would that be a self-fulfilling prophecy, where it is not forever, because I make it resist in this way?
When the clock is ticking to zero down, I wonder if I really just trying to extend my trip. Maybe I just want to always be Peter Pan. When I go, I see young, carefree backpackers and think to myself, "I can not stay a little longer in this world? Only a month is not going to hurt."
After all, if my book in next year comes, I'll come back to America to come anyway. Stockholm would be temporary. Is it just a way for me to still spend six months in Sweden six months living out of my backpack, Peter Pan was trying to be a little more?
I know that I want roots. I want to have a gym. I want to call friends. I want to eat where I can regularly. I would like the local hangout.
But as the end is near, I'm afraid. Traveling is all I know. It's part of who I am. I have not settled in one place since I started traveling. Even if I stop for a while, I always know I'm going to be moving again. While I will never travel stop, I'm worried, I deal with roots not settled with being in a place and.
Perhaps Stockholm's my "bridge" by travelers for semi-nomadic.
I was hoping that I wrote this article, I could come to some conclusion. I've been tormented weeks on this issue, but as I write this, I realize I'm just lost, insecure and confused as ever. The letter from my thoughts and feelings did not help decide which way I want to walk down.
When I consider both options, I want them both. I wish I could create a clone
But I know how leads way way !; I can take, there is only one way.
The rollers January to February and February rolls in my flight home, I will have to decide soon which way I want. For now, I'll stare just a little longer from the road at the fork to await a sign.
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